5 Sad Facts of the Week #37

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5-The Fantasy Football season is upon us and with it comes the season of paunchy dads gibbering about yards-per-carry to people who wish they would just die.

4-Fantasy Football is ComicCon for people who went to prom.

3-That said, there is still a hierarchy, as in all male groups. At the top is the guy who puts off surgery for the draft party. At the bottom is Jeff, who sures up the Kicker position too soon and says shit like, “McNabb can still sling it. Truth.”

2-Everyone hates Jeff and his weekly trade offers. Damn it! No one wants Justin Blackmon, not even the Jags!

1-Meanwhile the guy who put off surgery has a massive cardiac event when Maurice Jones-Drew doesn’t pan out—AGAIN!

And by the end, Jeff will have an 11-1 record because life isn’t fair, and no one understands Fantasy Football. If you think you do, somewhere someone thinks you’re a dick-whistle.

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